


i've never felt as understood as with you

by syriala



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Bad Friend Scott McCall (Teen Wolf), Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, Understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-07 07:44:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16849984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syriala/pseuds/syriala
Summary: Stiles and Peter had known that Derek would have some hang-ups about sex. What was more surprising was that Stiles himself had some issues with intimacy and sex. But what was probably most surprising to all three of them, was how Peter would sometimes freak out on them during sex.





	1. Chapter 1

Stiles and Peter had known that Derek would have some hang-ups about sex. It was to be expected, after everything he went through with Kate and Jennifer, so it wasn’t a surprise at all, when he freaked out from time to time.

And he did.

The first time Peter called him good boy in bed, Derek went straight into a panic attack. He lashed out at Peter, before he scrambled off the bed, hiding in the bathroom for the better part of an hour. Peter and Stiles had tried to coax him out of the bathroom at first, until they realized that maybe giving Derek some space would be better.

So they retreated to the couch, talking loudly enough that Derek could still hear them, letting him know that they hadn’t abandoned him. Once Derek had been sure that they were on the couch and not going to drag him out he had unlocked the door, but it stayed firmly closed, and so Peter and Stiles had just continued their conversation. When Derek had finally come out of the bathroom, still shaken and sweaty, they had readily made space between them.

The first time Stiles had licked his way up Derek’s chest, Derek had pushed him away with so much force that Stiles had gone flying right off the bed. It had been Peter who had picked him up from the floor, because Derek was curled up against the headboard, head in his hands and chest heaving with his panicked breathes. That night they had all just cuddled with each other, Derek sandwiched between Peter and Stiles, safe and protected, his shirt back on.

It wasn’t too surprising that Derek reacted badly to any kind of humiliation, not after Peter and Stiles had heard how Kate had spoken about Derek, had spoken _to_ him, but it was kind of surprising that he couldn’t stand it being directed at either of them as well.

They had found out about that during one of the many fights Peter and Stiles had. They were always vicious during fights, always hit right where it hurt, but they had reassured Derek again and again, that it was just their thing. They weren’t really angry with each other, and they never made up afterwards because they didn’t think there was anything to make up for.

But at one very memorable time Peter had called Stiles ‘a stupid, dumb boy, who was really nothing more than their bitch’ and while Stiles had stared at him in outrage, Derek had started hyperventilating. Peter and Stiles fought a lot less after that.

Restraints were a bit more difficult to figure out. Derek was fine with being restrained as long as Peter or Stiles used their own body or strength to do it. Stiles had never seen Derek come as fast as when Peter had leaned over him, pinned his wrists to the bed besides his hips and had just gone to town on him.

But as soon as Derek’s arms were raised over his head, things became difficult. Derek could stave off the panic if he had to, which was a blessing considering just how often Derek ended up being kidnapped and put into that exact position. But things got a lot less fine when Derek was also shirtless. It was too close to what Kate had done to him again and again, made Derek feel vulnerable and exposed in a way he hated, and he had broken two bed frames before they had figured out what it was that bothered him so much.

So yes, they all had expected some less than rational reactions from Derek.

What was more surprising was that Stiles himself had some issues with intimacy and sex.

When Derek had pushed him down on the couch for the first time, hovered over him and trailing kisses up and down Stiles’ neck, all Stiles could see was the basement in Eichen House and he had freaked out so bad, Derek had thought they were being attacked.

Stiles had always known that his first time with Malia had been dubious at best, since neither of them had been in the right headspace for something physical at the time, but it surprised him just how traumatizing it had been for him.

And starting things on the couch wasn’t where the problems stopped.

Stiles had always loved being the small spoon, not that he had that many opportunities before to really test it out, but the idea had always appealed to him. So the first time Malia had manhandled him around, and forcefully pulled him towards her chest, he hadn’t much thought about it, because this was what he had always imagined.

But now, when Derek or Peter pushed him around to pull him close to their bodies, Stiles went stiff and unresponsive against them. It had taken them some time to figure out that Stiles was totally fine with being the little spoon, if he got to decide that.

As soon as it was himself who shimmied back and pressed close to Peter or Derek, just dragging their arms around his middle once he was comfortable, then he was alright. And Stiles loved being the little spoon.

One of the, very few, things Stiles didn’t enjoy in bed was being scratched.

Malia had done it to him several times, without checking if Stiles was okay with that first, and now whenever claws came into play in the bedroom Stiles simply got up and left. He didn’t know if Malia’s control had been bad enough to lose it like that in bed, or if she was into that, but he hadn’t asked at the time, and now it would just be awkward.

His issues with the claws had revealed another hang-up Derek had, though. The first time Stiles freaked out over claws in bed, it was Derek who had gotten up and left. He hadn’t spoken to Stiles for two days, until Peter finally had enough and forced them to sit down together, talking about whatever issue they had.

Since Stiles didn’t have an answer for that, they had stared expectantly at Derek, until he haltingly admitted that Kate had always shamed him for being a werewolf, had punished him whenever he lost control during sex, and made sure that Derek understood that she was with him _despite_ him being a werewolf.

Derek never thought it would be a problem, since Peter was a werewolf himself, and Stiles was, well, _Stiles_ , but that moment had made him doubt Stiles’ acceptance.

Stiles had spent almost an hour peppering kisses all over Derek’s wolfed out face after that, making sure that he understood that Stiles didn’t have a problem with what he was. It was just the claws that freaked him out sometimes. When he explained that to Peter and Derek, showing them the faint scars Malia’s claws had left behind, both their eyes had gone blue in their rage. The last doubts Derek had about Stiles’ sincerity about loving what they were flew out the window when he smelled just how aroused Stiles got at that.

Their strength was another thing for Stiles. It was all fine and dandy, Stiles loved to be carried around by them, _loved_ being pressed into walls before he was carried off to bed, but as soon as it was about manipulating his limbs into a certain position, things stopped being good and arousing.

Stiles had scrambled far away from both of them when they had tried to guide him into a position or had prevented him from moving his arms or legs like he wanted to. It was too reminiscent of the nogitsune possession for Stiles, and he simply couldn’t deal with it.

Luckily both his boyfriends were understanding about his triggers, just like he and Peter were understanding of Derek’s triggers.

What was probably most surprising to all three of them, was how Peter would sometimes freak out on them during sex.

Peter had a lot more sexual experience than both of them combined, and according to his own assertion they had been all very positive.

Except for that one time he’d had sex with Corinne, that resulted in Malia.

Peter still wasn’t completely sure on what happened, but he was adamant that he knew Corinne before he lost his memories, and that they weren’t even friends. He didn’t like her, and he promised that he had been vocal about that, too.

At Derek’s raised eyebrow at that Peter had rolled his eye and declared that things with Chris had been completely different and nothing like with Corinne. Stiles had made an honest to god double take, because Peter could not just throw stuff like that out there, but Peter had already gone on.

Peter was certain that Talia had somehow forced him to have sex with Corinne, probably counting on her getting pregnant because it was well-known lore that werecoyotes give half their power to their children.

So Peter heavily suspected that he had been used in one of Talia’s plot and that she had taken the memory from him, because he would have torn her apart, if he had remembered what she had forced him to do.

But since she _did_ take the memory from him, he was very particular about being touched at the neck. It was fine as long as Stiles or Derek were sucking marks at the front or side of it or leaving a trail of kisses there. But as soon as either of them touched the back of his neck, probably even scratched their fingernails over the skin there, Peter freaked out.

He lashed out at them, desperate to protect himself and his mind, and the first time it happened they had all been lucky that it had been Derek who took the brunt of that attack. He, at least, healed from that.

Peter’s other big no go was sensory deprivation of any kind. It was too much like being in a coma for him, too much like being trapped inside his body without a way out, for him to ever enjoy that.

He had slid into a severe panic attack, all rigid and unmoving on the bed the first time they had tried out blindfolds, and it had taken Derek’s superior hearing to realize that something was off with Peter’s heartbeat. Peter had needed to be gently talked out of his trapped headspace, reassuring touches and words pulling him slowly back into the here and now, and it had spooked them all more than they were comfortable admitting.

But they had faced all these hardships together, had figured out what each of them was comfortable with at all times, and their times in the bedroom were even better for it.

They knew they were safe and could completely let go, trusting the others to keep them safe and respect their boundaries and neither of them would have it any other way.

They were good together.


	2. Chapter 2

Scott didn’t have much time for Stiles anymore, not since Stiles had told him about his relationship, so when Scott had called and asked to meet up for some lazing around and playing the newest CoD, Stiles had immediately agreed, even though it meant cancelling on Derek and Peter.

“I’m really sorry about this,” Stiles said into the phone, as he was getting out the doritos.

“It’s fine, sweetheart,” Peter replied. “We know you miss hanging out with him, and if he for once, has time for you, then you have to take that chance.”

Stiles loved Peter for that little dig against Scott even more, because it was just so _Peter_ and it reassured Stiles that maybe it wasn’t so bad that he was blowing them off for some bro-time.

“Besides, we’ll know how to entertain ourselves without you there,” Derek chimed in and Stiles groaned, because that was just mean.

They were about to have athletic sex all over Peter’s apartment, with some very intense cuddling afterwards, and Stiles was almost tempted enough to tell Scott to go find another friend to hang out with. He was sure Isaac would drop everything to spend some time with Scott.

But in the end Stiles just sighed and accepted his fate for today. He could always still jump in on the cuddle pile when he came home to them.

“Have fun,” he said with a little eyebrow waggle, even though they couldn’t see it, but going by the laugh Derek and Peter let out, they knew what he was doing.

“We will, darling,” Peter said before he hung up.

Stiles stared at his phone a second longer, before he shook himself and got things ready for Scott to arrive.

Stiles was strangely nervous, and he cursed himself for it. It felt like it was the first time he had a new friend over, even though Scott had slept at Stiles’ place so damn regularly that he’d had his own drawer in Stiles’ room. But it had been such a long time since Scott had been over for anything else but a short warning for Stiles and his dad, and Stiles didn’t really like how it felt now.

They had grown apart so much over the last year and Stiles didn’t know if it would feel forced now.

He didn’t have time to freak out about that thought, because suddenly Scott was already there, knocking at his door.

“Hey,” Stiles awkwardly said as he opened it, and Scott smiled sheepishly at him.

“Hey,” Scott replied, and then held up a take-out bag with burgers.

“Awesome,” Stiles breathed out and suddenly it was easy again, like nothing had ever happened between them.

They immediately flopped down on the couch, eating and watching TV before Scott dug the game out and they got started on that.

It was easy, and fun, right until Scott opened his mouth.

“So, you and Peter and Derek, huh?” he asked, and Stiles pressed his lips together.

They hadn’t talked about this at all since Stiles had told Scott about their relationship. And even that wasn’t because Stiles had wanted Scott to know, but because he hadn’t wanted Scott to figure it out himself. Stiles had wanted to be the one to tell him.

Scott had taken it about as badly as Stiles had expected, screaming and accusing Stiles of all kinds of things, and they hadn’t talked much since.

“Yeah,” Stiles finally pressed out and Scott turned around to him.

“You’re finally getting laid,” Scott said with a small smirk and Stiles relaxed a tiny bit at that.

It sounded like they were headed into teasing territory and he could definitely handle that.

“I absolutely am,” Stiles replied, and Scott wasn’t even pretending to play the game anymore.

“So you finally get to lick Derek all over, like you always wanted to do?”

“Not really,” Stiles said with a frown. “Derek isn’t into that,” he went on, all the explanation he was willing to give Scott.

“Okay,” Scott slowly said, dragging the word out. “But then you at least get to bite Peter’s neck, like you always went on about, despite my sincerest pleas for you to stop, right?”

“Sometimes?” Stiles answered, because it was the truth.

Sometimes Peter was alright with being touched there, if they were careful and respected his boundaries, and Stiles was happier with only being allowed to kiss Peter’s neck every now and then and making Peter feel loved and safe with him, than to kiss him there all the time, totally disregarding Peter’s feelings.

But he wasn’t about to explain that to Scott, because he had no right to any inside into their relationship.

“I don’t understand,” Scott honestly said and Stiles bit back a sigh.

“What’s not to understand?” Stiles wanted to know, because it really wasn’t that difficult.

“Do they manhandle you around at least? I know you’re stupidly into the werewolf strength, even though it’s something I never want to think about,” Scott asked instead of answering Stiles’ question.

Stiles was really not in the mood to explain to Scott just why being manhandled sometimes threw Stiles into a panic attack so severe, that he blacked out on Derek and Peter more than once, before they all figured out just how to manhandle Stiles without getting that reaction.

“Why is this so important to you all of a sudden?” Stiles asked because Scott hadn’t been this interested in this relationship when Stiles had first told him about it.

“I just don’t understand,” Scott repeated again, and he honestly sounded confused. “If you don’t get the sex you want out of them, then why are you with them? It just makes no sense.”

Stiles almost jerked back at that.

“Maybe I’m with them because I love them?”

“But they’re Peter and Derek!” Scott exclaimed. “How can you honestly feel something for them?”

“I can’t believe you,” Stiles hissed. “Is this why you’re here? To figure out if I am with them for ‘the right reason’ and then warn me off when I’m not?”

Scott didn’t answer him, but his guilty face was answer enough for Stiles and he jumped up.

“Fuck you, Scott,” Stiles calmly said, even though he wanted to scream and rage at his so-called _friend_.

“Stiles, come on, don’t be like this. You know they are evil, right? Peter is a murderer and Derek is just a brutal jock.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you,” Stiles wanted to know. “How can you still say that, after everything they both have done for you and the pack?”

“Like what? They are the reason we’re in this mess in the first place.”

“No, Scott. Kate is the reason we’re in this mess. Kate and her family, and I cannot believe that you still can’t see that,” Stiles almost yelled at Scott but then he reminded himself that this wasn’t worth it.

He didn’t owe Scott an explanation, and if Stiles was being honest with himself, there was not much of a friendship left to salvage anyway. It most definitely wasn’t worth it to Stiles.

Stiles stood up, gathering his keys and phone and he was in the process of putting on his shoes when Scott followed him out into the hallway.

“What are you doing?” he wanted to know, frowning when Stiles shrugged on his jacket.

“Going to the people I love, and who I respect as much as they respect me,” Stiles snapped at him, and he felt delighted when he saw hurt flash over Scott’s face.

“I respect you!”

“Maybe,” Stiles allowed. “But you don’t respect them, or my choice to be with them.”

“Not if they can’t give you what you want.”

“I want to be loved, Scott. They are doing a pretty good job at that.”

“But when you say that you can’t kiss and lick them like you want to, then that’s just not right.”

“It is, when it means they feel comfortable with me. And I hope to hell that you are more accepting of Kira’s boundaries, than you are about theirs,” Stiles coldly said and then walked out of his own house.

He had no wish to be in Scott’s presence any longer, and if he had to go then Stiles would happily do that. Stiles knew that Scott would never understand that Stiles saw more in Derek and Peter than some fuck buddies, and he was too tired and impatient to explain it in depth and length to Scott.

Stiles climbed into the jeep, dispassionately staring at Scott at the door, and driving away without hesitation. He only realized he was shaking a few minutes later but Stiles clenched his jaw and kept on driving.

If he stopped now it would be even longer until Derek and Peter could hug him, and Stiles wasn’t sure he could survive that. In a form of compromise he slowed down at least, driving almost glacially slow to Peter’s apartment.

Stiles made his way up there on shaking legs, and then he hesitated at the door. Peter and Derek had said on the phone that they were going for some vigorous sex and Stiles was in no mood for that. But he also didn’t want to ruin it for them and so instead of opening the door with the key he had, he continued to stand in the hallway, completely indecisive on what to do.

The decision was taken out of his hand when Derek suddenly opened the door. He was dressed, and nothing in his appearance screamed _recently fucked_ but you never knew with these two.

“You’re upset,” Derek very astutely stated, and it startled a laugh out of Stiles.

“Yes, I am,” he said and slumped forward against Derek, who immediately hugged him.

Derek let out a rumbling sound, nuzzling his face against Stiles’ hair, and suddenly Peter was there as well.

“What’s wrong?” Peter wanted to know, and Stiles sighed, tilting his head just enough to look at Peter.

“Scott,” was all Stiles said and Peter immediately flashed his eyes blue.

“What did this fumbling idiot do now?”

“Can we take this inside?” Stiles wanted to know, suddenly very aware of the still open door in his back and Derek immediately walked him over to the couch, without letting go of Stiles.

Before either of the two forced Stiles to explain again, they rearranged him on the couch, sandwiched between them, instantly feeling better. He knew he was safe and protected here, that they would understand or at least try to understand, no matter what was going on with Stiles.

“Want to talk about it now?” Peter carefully asked, and Stiles sighed before he nodded.

“He just—he doesn’t understand why I would be with you.”

“But that’s not exactly news to you, is it?” Derek gently replied.

“No it’s not, but—he asked me about our sex life.”

“Why?”

“Because I once said that I wanted to lick you all over,” Stiles said to Derek. “And that I wanted to get my teeth into your neck at all times,” he then said to Peter, and both of them immediately tensed besides them.

“It was before we got together,” Stiles hurriedly said. “Yes, I wanted to do both these things to you, but only as long as I thought you would enjoy it, too. And now I know that you don’t and what I get to do with you two is better than anything from the fantasies I had before this relationship.”

There was a brief silence from both of them and Stiles helplessly shrugged.

“Scott doesn’t understand that. He thinks I’m not getting the sex I want out of this relationship.”

“But it’s not just about sex, is it?” Derek asked, and Stiles hated how unsure he sounded.

“Of course not,” Stiles immediately said. “I love you both. And Scott doesn’t understand that.”

“Because it’s us,” Peter gave back, honing in on the issue at once.

“Yeah.”

“Do you care?” Derek asked, and Stiles took time to think that over, because he didn’t want to risk a lie.

“No,” he answered after a few moments. “No, I don’t care, because I love you two and what we have is good, and it works, and it means everything. I know we can all be relaxed in the bedroom, because we know each other, and we trust each other.”

“We do,” Peter said. “And Scott doesn’t get to judge a relationship he isn’t even in.”

“I know,” Stiles said with a sigh. “I guess I just needed to hear it from you, too.”

“We love you,” Derek said, and he sounded sure, surer like he had when they started talking about this. “And if we think this works, and gives us what we want and need, then that’s enough.”

“Yes,” Peter agreed, and Stiles turned around on the couch to kiss them both softly.

“Now tell me. Where did I interrupt you two?” Stiles asked as he pulled back from Peter.

“We were just about to start round two,” Peter said with a growl and Stiles carded his fingers through Derek’s hair.

“Are you still up for that?” Stiles asked them, though he knew very well what the answer to that was.

“Always,” Peter said and slid his hands under Stiles ass, waiting for his permission to lift him up.

But Stiles still felt too raw from his fight with Scott and so he quickly shook his head. Peter slid his hands up Stiles’ back at that, without commenting on Stiles’ refusal and Stiles surged forward to kiss the living hell out of Peter, while Derek gently steered them towards the bedroom. This was exactly why he loved him, why he loved them both so much.

They, at least, respected him and his decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is complete and I will not write a sequel.


End file.
